Being a new mom has brought joy to my life but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit it can be frustrating at times. Feeling blessed, I was not prepared or ready for this journey. I’m still learning and know that I will always be learning. I find myself feeling guilty or grief but I have to remind myself that the greatest strength it has brought out of me is patience. I’ve always been empathetic but this is a different kind of patience. Not only patience with my son but patience with myself.
Having a baby 24/7 can be frustrating, tiring, and draining. My son is a beautiful spirit 97% of the time. He’s energetic, inquisitive and loves to explore, climb, and put things together. But there are times when he will cry and cry because…well I don’t know and he doesn’t know, he can’t communicate it yet and I can’t figure it out. That’s when self doubt creeps in and irritates me. “You’re a bad mommy, how could you not know what’s wrong with him, he’s crying, if people hear him crying they’re going to know you’re a bad mommy…” “he hates you” how can you not console him…” There are times I just want him to stop and I want silence. Someone please take him… yeah I know I would flip if someone tried, haha but my mamas know what I mean.
I have to stop her; that negative self talk to myself and be reminded that we are both new to this.
He is a new little human experiencing a world of new developments and learning each day. Some of it is exciting and overwhelming.
He may not know why he’s crying and neither do I but together we have to problem solve and figure out. It could be the moon, some tummy gas, or the “sleep dragons” that he wants to battle. I can rock him, try soothing him, singing to him, turn down the lights and sometimes I have to turn on the lights. Sometimes if it’s too much stimulation, we have to turn it down a bit. Other times, if it’s too quiet, that alone makes him irritable so cutting on some music and dancing around a little bit just might do the trick. I don’t always have the magic touch and that’s okay.
I make a calming oil blend (Coconut oil, lavendar, orange peel, lemongrass, vanilla) that I rub on his blankets or his feet after a warm bath. We meditate together, well he doesn’t get the idea yet but the bonding is real.
I’ve learned over and over to have patience with myself and with him daily as we are truly learning together. Just as with life in general there will be good days, rough days, happy days, frustrating days etc but I must remember patience as I cherish, learn from, and embrace every moment.
Furthermore I know I am not alone, shout out to everyone who has ever answered my call or text because you never know if it was a distraction and I needed to feel supported in that moment or needed a “mommy break”, before I broke down, broke something or someone.
